Slogging through the semester

The picture is some of my class mates in the orthopedics lab practicing the "sub-occipital release" which is used in treating upper neck and head tension.

I finished up another grueling week of testing thrown at me by the PT department. I am managing to keep my head above water and am not on probation. Unfortunately a few of my classmates are on probation which means that they have to turn it around or they are out of the program. Everyone is already over-worked and stressed out, I can't imagine more pressure.

As we were doing pro-section and dissection last week, one of my anatomy lab partners made the comment" "Wow, I have a new appreciation for serial murderers - this is hard work!" I know, kinda sick and gross thinking but, truly body parts are connected pretty firmly and trying to get them to disconnect is a lot of work.

Enough said.

I am more than half way done with semester #1. I only have 8 more semesters to go. I got my assignment for my first clinical rotation in May. I am not going to Silver City (my first choice) but, instead I got assigned to Santa Fe. So, I plan to challenge myself not to use my car for the full eight weeks and rely only on the train and my bike for commuting purposes.

I have to say that I really like what I am learning. I like my classmates immensely. I like being part of the university and being on campus. There is a lot of positive energy on UNM's campus and campus is clean and beautiful.

My former semiconductor career seems far away now. My former life as a single parent, semiconductor engineer and unhappy romantic partner is becoming a memory where the negative stuff gets trimmed away and the good stuff stays. Those rose tinted glasses focused on the pasted are just getting rosier as time goes by.

my teachers are dead

ANATOMY - I have nine anatomy teachers, and the eight my most inspiring are dead.

I am spending at least 35 hours a week with seven cadavers studying the mysteries of the human body. So far, my favorite thing I have learned is the anatomy of the brain. It is so complicated and beautiful.

The deep study of the physical body has helped me connect with what I already know about the energetic body from ayurveda and yoga. It is really exciting for me when I make those connections.

Yes, yes I do have an anatomy teacher who is alive and overloads me with concepts and homework but still, my most inspiring teachers are the seven who have donated their bodies to me to study. I get to use their bodies to trace muscle attachments and innervations. I can see intimately what the diseases of breast cancer, lung cancer, Parkinson's, dementia and heart failure have done to the affected organs. These seven people have generously offer themselves up in service for me to learn the deep mysteries of the human body so that I will be able to help others in my new career.

There is an eighth dead teacher who is encased in plastic and sliced into 1-inch sections. He teaches me the 2-D relationships of the muscles, bones, nerves, blood vessels and organs which is like I will see on an MRI.

Hitting the wall with seven weeks left to go

I hit the wall. All this studying and testing and classes has finally got me completely exhausted. I thought I could pace myself and be able to do this school thing again without all the stress. Nope. I think driving myself hard is just my nature. I am not the only one, I am amongst 25 other high achievers who are also exhausted. Last week on a Thursday afternoon during the middle of one of the 4 hour lectures the professor could see everyone was completely exhausted, some of the students were crying and the rest of us were glazed over - unable to concentrate. He stopped class and told us all to get up and go get a drink of water and try to shake it off.

I went to a Halloween party Saturday night and it was a beautiful party - probably the best Halloween party in all of Albuquerque. I fell asleep under my costume (the jellyfish) at 9:00pm and my ride woke me up at 10:00pm to leave.

Seven more weeks of this left until winter break. After that, just 2.5 years until licensing boards.

It is the choices we make afterall

I spent the weekend in Phoenix, AZ at nephew's wedding. It was a lovely event and I had the chance to be with my family which was great. Of course Phoenix doesn't really have the sort of winters that Albuquerque has so, it was really wonderful to be in the warmth too.

My nephew and his bride are in their 20's and they are radiant and in love. Just watching the two of them looking lovingly at each other brought tears to my eyes. My other nephew, the groom's brother, toasted the couple by saying he has never met any two people in his life that wanted to spend as much time together as they do. I am hopeful for them that their marriage will last a lifetime and they experience more positives than negatives. Marriage ceremonies are like that - bringing folks together to hope and to wish the best for the couple about their future together.

It doesn't seem so long ago that I was at my brother's wedding, my sister's wedding and my own wedding. All three of us are now middle-aged parents with kids who are grown and getting married or nearly grown. I think of the choices we made, each of us, to be where we are right now. I am wonder if any of us ever really knows if what we are doing is the right choice or are we always just hoping for the best possible outcome for the future. Making that commitment to at least try and create something better for ourselves.

I want something better and more fulfilling than what I have had in the past. Kinda like marriage, which is bigger than the individual, I made a choice to commit to something bigger than myself - graduate school. It feels that big to me - like a marriage and just as challenging.

Mischief on Fall Break

I had a wonderful time doing a lot of nothing. I played for 4 days and didn't open a single anatomy book. Delicious.

I created my Halloween costume - I decided to manifest my inner invertebrate and made a Jellyfish costume with a hot glue gun, lots of garlands and some googlie eyes under the artistic direction of my friend Bob Maestres (aka NeoBoy).

I also spent two days in Santa Fe with my yoga teacher John Friend (www.anusara.com). It was great fun to be in the presence of a masterful teacher of yoga and tantric philosophy. John

effortlessly weaves philosophical teaches as he gets an entire room of about 150 yogis to go up into handstands. I appreciate his interpretations of a philosophy that would otherwise be innaccessable to me.On Monday I could barely get out of bed because my hamstrings were taut wire cables - luckily I know a little bit of yoga (hair of the dog!).

My good friend, Janet Frisella, was also in Santa Fe at the John Friend workshop and we got to spend some quality time together. We have known each other over 35 years! She and I did a girl scout backpacking trip to Philmont Scout Ranch in Northern New Mexico. Janet was the one who introduced me to yoga when I was about 16. She and I, by coincidence, are studying Anusara Yoga with the same teacher.

I am beyond it - study, study and study some more

My life for the last 2 weeks has been about preparing for my first round of testing - midterm exams. Life is studying, sleeping, studying, brush teeth, studying, eating, study, study and study until bed time. It is a solitary existence being a graduate student. Not that I am complaining, I wanted this life, but all this studying and early to bed, early to rise is just shit on my social life.

I took my last exam for the midterm today. Relieved is a good descriptor. So, I am going out tonight with Stephen, my son. Gonna have a beer together at the local Chama micro-brewery. A little weird to me still that I am old enough to have a 21 year old kid. But, I do like having a kid old enough to share a beer with me as well as commiserate on too much studying. Emily, the baby, is still too young to kick up her heels in a public bar.

Social life alert! - I am spending the weekend in Santa Fe and doing a weekend yoga workshop given by my teacher, John Friend. There is even an open-to-all dance party at the local Anusara Studio. This is exactly the sort of high jinx I need to be doing before I get slammed again next week with the CORE courses of DPT - anatomy and orthopedics.

Maybe I can (& will?) post a blog about something besides school...... might be interesting.

Test Prep

It is that time of the year - midterm exams. Last year at this time I studied for my Anatomy midterms on the beach in St. Croix. Too bad I didn't arrange my schedule to do that this year.

Yup, no classes next week just preparation and studying for tests. Quite civilized really, just let me really absorb the stuff I learned over the last 6 weeks and don't drop any more stuff on my plate - ooh until after midterms when the rubber really meets the road for the second half of the semester. I didn't think I was going to be getting test anxiety again but, damn if it isn't back.

I have this fantasy that I will be able to read some great fiction soon (ha.). The list of authors for the 2009 Man Booker Prize is published. Save that thought until winter break.

I really did forget how all consuming school can be. But a day a school still beats a day on the factory floor.