Beignets - the fantasy, the myth, the food

For 40 years I have had a fantasy about beignets with cafe au lait, made in New Orleans at Cafe du Mode. I am sure this food fantasy came from my parents because aren't parents the root of all dysfunctional behavior? I am also very sure that hearing the word "beignet" started my life-long sickness - Francophilia.

My parents went to New Orleans for their honeymoon in August 1958. That's before refrigerated air, so my parents took their honeymoon in a Louisiana swamp in the summer. (This only begins to explain some of my life choices.) In spite of that, my parents were really impressed with the food and culture of New Orleans and especially the architectural beauty of the French Quarter. So much so that my dad built a back yard patio in the red brick and wrought iron style, including a gas lamp light, that is common in the French Quarter. And Creole and French cooking was something my mother aspired to do all the while I was growing up. So there it is, ingrained in my subconscious, New Orleans has always been to me mythic, romantic and the tastiest of cities. Beignets were "food of the gods" and Cafe du Mode was a slice of heaven within that mythic and romantic city.

So I did it. I went to New Orleans with a lover in June. Creating what I imagined was the absolute perfect back drop, romantic and swamp-like, to experience beignets with cafe au lait at Cafe du Mode. I am sure there were other reasons to go to New Orleans but, eating beingnets were foremost on my mind as I planned our trip. I envisioned eating beignets for breakfast, for dessert after lunch, for dessert after dinner and then of course as a midnight snack. I was sure I would be enamored with my fantasy food and that I would need to go to bed and wake up with the taste of beignets. Normand, who had been to New Orleans, told me to be open for eggs at breakfast and maybe bread pudding, mud pie or bananas foster for dessert. Poo-pooing his suggestions I held tight to my beignet fantasy.

Anyway, for the few people in the world that might not know it (like me), beignets are fried dough, served directly out of the fryer, covered by a mound of powdered sugar and usually accompanied by scalding hot cafe au lait.... the whole bunch <$5. (3 beignets, 1 cup of coffee). That's it. But, I had no idea until they were delivered to me at my corner table in Cafe Du Mode by a sweaty Vietnamese waiter on a romantic and hot summer night that I had been obsessing for 40 years about sugared fry bread.

VOODOO - the art of setting an intention

I am nearly completed with my first full year of graduate school in a profession I artfully, mindfully and wholly embraced. Yes, there are problems on the horizon and yes, there is no perfect job - I get that. However, I didn't run to this job out of fear of "not enough" but, I moved towards this profession/career/job with the idea of helping people to heal.

I have been immersed in a clinical rotation and I have 2 full weeks left. I have learned so much, I have gained so much confidence, I realize I can and will help people overcome their physical challenges and I like being at the job. It is exhausting but, I overall enjoy the job. A great big change.

going about the whole thing all wrong

"We aren't here to make things perfect...We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die." - Cher, from the movie Moonstruck

I really like this sentiment. It perfectly embodies how I feel about my own life path: stumbling along, falling in love with the wrong people and breaking my heart at the things I attempt and fail doing. I must say that I am not sure about the ruining myself - not there yet. But, really for someone who has been caught up in the "perfection infection" it is good to read this sentiment over and over.

Becoming another food Blog?

Well it seems I only have a few things in my life to talk about these days: school and food. That is overstating it. Actually, I have one thing I talk about - food. Grad school is too overwhelming to talk about.

Now, I understand gluttony. Pure escape. My mind drifts off to food and cooking while I am in my orthopedics class. I find school very challenging, mostly fun and engaging but, 6 - 8 hours a day every day? Plus all the homework is just a bit too much for someone like me.

For the last 2 weeks I was day dreaming about a lamb ragu dish that I read about in an article in the travel section of the NY Times. It was written by a journalist who traveled to Italy and ate dinner in people's homes. It is part of a cultural education program the Italian government sponsors. Anyway, the photos were making me salivate and I could not get that lamb ragu dish out of my mind.

I really love dating a man who not only loves to eat good food and drink good wine but he also loves to be in the kitchen with me and help prepare it. So this past Sunday Normand and I conjured up some fresh pappardelle pasta, and topped it with a wonderful lamb ragu, some freshly grated parmesano, a dollop of ricotta and a sprinkle of herbs. It was as good or maybe better as I imagined the NY Times dish. Normand matched the meal with a loverly red wine.

Hermitage is Norman's favorite wine region. It's a 331 acre vineyard overlooking the Rhone river above the town of Tain-l'Hermitage. It was a memorable combination - lamb ragu over pappardelle noodles paired with Hermitage wine.

I must be stuck in an Italian fantasy because now I am dreaming of homemade manicotti for next Sunday dinner.....

turning 50 years old

I turned 50 in March (March 8th). It has been "the birthday month" and I have been well-celebrated and I feel much loved.

school electric

School is hard and hard on my ego. What I learn daily is a lot and it is wondrous. But, my teachers are not spectacular which is a huge disappointment. I suppose because I have had so many incredible and spectacular teachers in my yoga and ayurvedic studies that I had hoped this experience would include the same. But, my PT teachers are just "okay".

The environment is stimulating - these days the medical library and the anatomy lab are my two favorite places to be. And, it is so lovely to daily be around such gorgeous young people who are not beaten down by life and who are hopeful and optimistic about the future. These young people really see the world as their oyster. Often I feel like a crusty crone amongst all the exuberant optimism for future careers and jobs these kids have. My forward-looking job expectation is never again be on a 24x7 emergency call schedule or work in a factory. For me that is enough. Nothing like keeping those expectations low.

Last week we played with electricity in our PT lab. Electricity is used to stimulate and recruit muscle fibers - hopefully in a therapeutic way. After we used the NMES units in small groups on arms, legs, shoulders, back muscles to understand the therapeutic effects we then, set up a big circle of the entire class and let the electricity travel through all of us in a circle. It was fun, stimulating and so sweet..... I really do love my PT class of 2012.

Doppleganger

It has been "doppleganger week" on facebook. I am sure there are actresses out there who look like me but, I just couldn't get my head around that comparison. I looked up women that I admire and who inspire me for their spirit of adventure, intelligence and work in social justice and I came up with Amelia Earhardt, Marie Curie, Eleanor Roosevelt, Sojourner Truth and Susan B. Anthony.

I started thinking that I wish I was as smart as Marie or as socially justice oriented as Eleanor, Sojourner and Susan B. But, the truth is that my drive is around experiencing adventure and I just wasn't born with the brains or hearts of these women. So, I am happy resembling Amelia Earhart. Amelia definitely had a spirit of adventure that I admire and she defined herself on her own independent terms (yes!) as an aviator. An unusual profession for women then and now.

This was a really good exercise for me, thinking about women who did something significant besides look gorgeous and pretended being someone significant. I have had so many beautiful moments in my life, some last longer than others, and yet how significant were these moments?Do people remember me because I looked beautiful or because I did a beautiful thing? I hope the later.

PS> BTW people have told me I resembled Ms. Earhart before FB doppleganger week

Christmases Past and Present

Christmas in my family was always a big deal. I should say a BIG DEAL. Big dinners, lots and lots of booze, sweets (generally flaming puddings) and presents. Lots of presents.

My father, a man who was normally pretty low-key and fuss-free for 353 days of the year, whipped the entire family into a frenzy of decorating and festivities during the 12 days of Christmas. Thanksgiving weekend the outside of the house was decorated with colored lights and electric luminaries. As soon as the tree lots opened my dad would be scoping them out looking for just the right one - always getting a douglas fir that filled more than half of the family room. He painstakingly placed way too many lights and ornaments on the tree. Every year my dad managed talking my mom out of stringing garlands on the tree and instead dripping silver tinsel (which she hated) all over the already heavily decorated tree. And every year my mom cursed as the vacuum clearer got clogged with silver tinsel and pine needles promising to everyone within ear shot that next year the tree would have garlands, not this damn tinsel. My dad always made multiple trips to Walgreens to get another box or two of "unique" ornaments to add to the tree. New year's day my dad sadly packed up the Christmas decorations but, he would make sure to date the new ornament boxes and list everyone who celebrated the season with us - including the pets. So that every year the unpacking of decorations was a diary of Christmases past.

Sooooo..... it is with quite a bit of guilt that I say I had a nice quiet Christmas and really enjoyed it. My mom, my nephew and me had Christmas dinner at La Fonda restaurant in Santa Fe.

Dad died about 8 years ago. It doesn't seem that long ago and I manage to miss him more as each year passes. If dad were still around asking me to come to Walgreens and pick out a new box of ornaments or string lights and luminaries or pick out a humongous tree then, I am sure I wouldn't feel the need to have a "nice quiet Christmas".

Thanks dad (Budgie) for the great memories of Christmas past. Love you.

Duck - Three Ways

My excitement for cooking, eating and having dinner parties is shared by my good friend Normand. Over the winter holidays Normand-the-gourmand and I cooked up a memorable meal: Duck, 3 ways.

We started out deciding to making a "simple" French country dinner - something that included onion soup and potatoes but, it morphed under Normand's enthusiasm into a 5 course meal with incredible wine that accompanied the menu.....

Champagne

(the French know how to start a celebration!)

Fois Gras & truffle

~ Sauterne

(duck first way)

Salad with duck sausage and Armonac preserved cherries

~ Pinot Noir

(duck second way)

French onion soup

~ Syrah

(a break from duck)

Sliced duck served on duck fat fried potatoes

~ Burgundy

(duck the third way)

creme caramel ~ Sauterne

We shared the meal between four friends - perfect.

After course five, I passed out. Lucky for me, Normand-the-gormand has a comfortable carpeted floor and lots of water...... ahhhh, over indulgence during the holidays is such a tradition. I am sure this is where those extra 10 pounds of December fat around my belly came from.

What does a girl do with truffles?

My friend Normand called me over the winter break and said:

I am in possession of black truffles from France. Would you like to get together and cook something?

Ahhh yes, can you come over tonight with the truffles? Don't forget the truffles.

I whipped up truffle omlettes and we drank champagne with dinner. I toasted my great fortune to have such a friend as Normand who not only over-nights black truffles from Paris but shares them with me.

Winter Break: Hanukah, Solstice and Christmas

Stephen and Emily are off to their father in St. Croix, US Virgin Islands (tough life for those two kids!) for the winter break.

In this household we try to cover all the winter holidays. Saturday I cooked latkes and served them with red chili, apple sauce and sour cream - a tradition here at "me casa suz casa" for Hanukah and Winter Solstice. For those who don't know about red chili - well a dash of cumin and a clove of crushed garlic adds just the right touch of nice to the spicy sauce.

Sunday was the Winter Solstice and Christmas celebration at my mom's house. Christmas tends to be a low key affair these days now that my kids are grown up and Santa no longer is stopping in with bags of toys. We all enjoy good food and wine and the holidays tend to be served up with our favorite foods and wines. Typically lamb and a full-bodied red wine are our favorites. This Solstice/Christmas celebration was no exception with a rack of lamb and malbec.

I get a long 3-week break before the endurance training begins again with my studies in Physical Therapy - Spring 2010. I am so excited about my first clinical rotation in May where I will have real patients. But, for now I am happy and relieved it is Winter Break and the light will be returning.

It is the time for me to be grateful to all the blessings and love I have in my life.

Thanksgiving Day - a real holiday for me

My kids and I decided that this year we were skipping the turkey, the stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, the green bean and dried onion casserole, the smashed yams coated with brown sugar and burnt marshmallows, fresh out of the can cranberry gel, farina balls and Pillsbury crescent rolls. Yup, this year we broke tradition from Thanksgiving food.

Instead we decided on a rolled shoulder of lamb stuffed with brown rice, mushrooms and red peppers served with: roasted fingerling potatoes seasoned with rosemary and sea salt; baked shallots; baked yams; steamed broccoli with a béchamel sauce; cranberry and pomegranate relish; fresh baked homemade yeast rolls (my grandmother's recipe) and homemade desserts - spicy pumpkin pie and pecan-carmel torte with whipped cream.

Stephen prepared and cooked the lamb, Emily make the rolls, my mom got the wine - Savennieres and Malbec, and I made the pies and somehow all the vegetables got cooked with no one actually owning that specific task.

We all agreed it was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever. It was smallish with five family and two guests. One of the guests was from India experiencing his first Thanksgiving in America and the other was from Maryland having her first Thanksgiving ever away from her Italian-American family. Panjak is not vegetarian so, there was no problem for him to eat the lamb. And Jenny was happy that our family doesn't yell at each other over dinner.

I spent the day relaxing, not studying, cooking pies and contacting friends and family.

My friend, Jimbo, from Scotland sent me greetings and wanted to know about Thanksgiving and why we Americans celebrate it, inquiring if the holiday had something to do with massacring Indians (apparently there was a broadcast in Scotland on Thanksgiving day by a woman who claimed to be a native American descendant and said the holiday originally was a celebration of Indian massacres in the colonies). Susan from Singapore sent me greetings from Asia with no questions. My Italian friend, Maria Paola, who lived in America for over 10 years knows all about Thanksgiving and says this time of year makes her miss this country.

It was a perfect holiday for me. But, I hit the books the rest of the days off.

Slogging through the semester

The picture is some of my class mates in the orthopedics lab practicing the "sub-occipital release" which is used in treating upper neck and head tension.

I finished up another grueling week of testing thrown at me by the PT department. I am managing to keep my head above water and am not on probation. Unfortunately a few of my classmates are on probation which means that they have to turn it around or they are out of the program. Everyone is already over-worked and stressed out, I can't imagine more pressure.

As we were doing pro-section and dissection last week, one of my anatomy lab partners made the comment" "Wow, I have a new appreciation for serial murderers - this is hard work!" I know, kinda sick and gross thinking but, truly body parts are connected pretty firmly and trying to get them to disconnect is a lot of work.

Enough said.

I am more than half way done with semester #1. I only have 8 more semesters to go. I got my assignment for my first clinical rotation in May. I am not going to Silver City (my first choice) but, instead I got assigned to Santa Fe. So, I plan to challenge myself not to use my car for the full eight weeks and rely only on the train and my bike for commuting purposes.

I have to say that I really like what I am learning. I like my classmates immensely. I like being part of the university and being on campus. There is a lot of positive energy on UNM's campus and campus is clean and beautiful.

My former semiconductor career seems far away now. My former life as a single parent, semiconductor engineer and unhappy romantic partner is becoming a memory where the negative stuff gets trimmed away and the good stuff stays. Those rose tinted glasses focused on the pasted are just getting rosier as time goes by.

my teachers are dead

ANATOMY - I have nine anatomy teachers, and the eight my most inspiring are dead.

I am spending at least 35 hours a week with seven cadavers studying the mysteries of the human body. So far, my favorite thing I have learned is the anatomy of the brain. It is so complicated and beautiful.

The deep study of the physical body has helped me connect with what I already know about the energetic body from ayurveda and yoga. It is really exciting for me when I make those connections.

Yes, yes I do have an anatomy teacher who is alive and overloads me with concepts and homework but still, my most inspiring teachers are the seven who have donated their bodies to me to study. I get to use their bodies to trace muscle attachments and innervations. I can see intimately what the diseases of breast cancer, lung cancer, Parkinson's, dementia and heart failure have done to the affected organs. These seven people have generously offer themselves up in service for me to learn the deep mysteries of the human body so that I will be able to help others in my new career.

There is an eighth dead teacher who is encased in plastic and sliced into 1-inch sections. He teaches me the 2-D relationships of the muscles, bones, nerves, blood vessels and organs which is like I will see on an MRI.

Hitting the wall with seven weeks left to go

I hit the wall. All this studying and testing and classes has finally got me completely exhausted. I thought I could pace myself and be able to do this school thing again without all the stress. Nope. I think driving myself hard is just my nature. I am not the only one, I am amongst 25 other high achievers who are also exhausted. Last week on a Thursday afternoon during the middle of one of the 4 hour lectures the professor could see everyone was completely exhausted, some of the students were crying and the rest of us were glazed over - unable to concentrate. He stopped class and told us all to get up and go get a drink of water and try to shake it off.

I went to a Halloween party Saturday night and it was a beautiful party - probably the best Halloween party in all of Albuquerque. I fell asleep under my costume (the jellyfish) at 9:00pm and my ride woke me up at 10:00pm to leave.

Seven more weeks of this left until winter break. After that, just 2.5 years until licensing boards.

It is the choices we make afterall

I spent the weekend in Phoenix, AZ at nephew's wedding. It was a lovely event and I had the chance to be with my family which was great. Of course Phoenix doesn't really have the sort of winters that Albuquerque has so, it was really wonderful to be in the warmth too.

My nephew and his bride are in their 20's and they are radiant and in love. Just watching the two of them looking lovingly at each other brought tears to my eyes. My other nephew, the groom's brother, toasted the couple by saying he has never met any two people in his life that wanted to spend as much time together as they do. I am hopeful for them that their marriage will last a lifetime and they experience more positives than negatives. Marriage ceremonies are like that - bringing folks together to hope and to wish the best for the couple about their future together.

It doesn't seem so long ago that I was at my brother's wedding, my sister's wedding and my own wedding. All three of us are now middle-aged parents with kids who are grown and getting married or nearly grown. I think of the choices we made, each of us, to be where we are right now. I am wonder if any of us ever really knows if what we are doing is the right choice or are we always just hoping for the best possible outcome for the future. Making that commitment to at least try and create something better for ourselves.

I want something better and more fulfilling than what I have had in the past. Kinda like marriage, which is bigger than the individual, I made a choice to commit to something bigger than myself - graduate school. It feels that big to me - like a marriage and just as challenging.

Mischief on Fall Break

I had a wonderful time doing a lot of nothing. I played for 4 days and didn't open a single anatomy book. Delicious.

I created my Halloween costume - I decided to manifest my inner invertebrate and made a Jellyfish costume with a hot glue gun, lots of garlands and some googlie eyes under the artistic direction of my friend Bob Maestres (aka NeoBoy).

I also spent two days in Santa Fe with my yoga teacher John Friend (www.anusara.com). It was great fun to be in the presence of a masterful teacher of yoga and tantric philosophy. John

effortlessly weaves philosophical teaches as he gets an entire room of about 150 yogis to go up into handstands. I appreciate his interpretations of a philosophy that would otherwise be innaccessable to me.On Monday I could barely get out of bed because my hamstrings were taut wire cables - luckily I know a little bit of yoga (hair of the dog!).

My good friend, Janet Frisella, was also in Santa Fe at the John Friend workshop and we got to spend some quality time together. We have known each other over 35 years! She and I did a girl scout backpacking trip to Philmont Scout Ranch in Northern New Mexico. Janet was the one who introduced me to yoga when I was about 16. She and I, by coincidence, are studying Anusara Yoga with the same teacher.

I am beyond it - study, study and study some more

My life for the last 2 weeks has been about preparing for my first round of testing - midterm exams. Life is studying, sleeping, studying, brush teeth, studying, eating, study, study and study until bed time. It is a solitary existence being a graduate student. Not that I am complaining, I wanted this life, but all this studying and early to bed, early to rise is just shit on my social life.

I took my last exam for the midterm today. Relieved is a good descriptor. So, I am going out tonight with Stephen, my son. Gonna have a beer together at the local Chama micro-brewery. A little weird to me still that I am old enough to have a 21 year old kid. But, I do like having a kid old enough to share a beer with me as well as commiserate on too much studying. Emily, the baby, is still too young to kick up her heels in a public bar.

Social life alert! - I am spending the weekend in Santa Fe and doing a weekend yoga workshop given by my teacher, John Friend. There is even an open-to-all dance party at the local Anusara Studio. This is exactly the sort of high jinx I need to be doing before I get slammed again next week with the CORE courses of DPT - anatomy and orthopedics.

Maybe I can (& will?) post a blog about something besides school...... might be interesting.

Test Prep

It is that time of the year - midterm exams. Last year at this time I studied for my Anatomy midterms on the beach in St. Croix. Too bad I didn't arrange my schedule to do that this year.

Yup, no classes next week just preparation and studying for tests. Quite civilized really, just let me really absorb the stuff I learned over the last 6 weeks and don't drop any more stuff on my plate - ooh until after midterms when the rubber really meets the road for the second half of the semester. I didn't think I was going to be getting test anxiety again but, damn if it isn't back.

I have this fantasy that I will be able to read some great fiction soon (ha.). The list of authors for the 2009 Man Booker Prize is published. Save that thought until winter break.

I really did forget how all consuming school can be. But a day a school still beats a day on the factory floor.

Induction Ceremony - warmly welcomed

Two really nice things happened last week: I got to know my fellow students a little better and I was inducted into the Physical Therapy profession.

In class last week all 26 PT students had to teach something for 10 minutes that was meaningful and not related to Physical Therapy. It felt like a "show and tell" session. I was taught: how to make fry bread and tortillas, how to replace break drums, how to draw an elephant and make an elephant noise, how to hold and take care of box turtles, how to fly fish, how to make beer (including samples!!! - and no worries it was after 10am), a lesson on the history of tea, how to DJ a radio show, how to use jujitsu, how to set up a river rafting trip, how to train a dog for search and rescue, how to swing dance, break dance and line dance, some useful tricks with the English language, the five throws in basketball; and me, I taught everyone how to find fossils in New Mexico. Specifically, I taught my class how to find dinosaur bones from the Jurassic Morrison formation and ammonites from the Cretaceous Mancos formation. I actually borrowed some spectacular specimens from the Geology Department.

Then, last Friday was my official welcome into the Physical Therapy profession. It was a lovely ceremony that was attended by the entire PT department including all the professors and all three classes and their families. Each class read an oath that promised to serve the PT profession competently and honestly and we were gifted with a tool of the profession - gait belts. My two sweeties, Stephen and Emily, and my best friend, Carla were at my induction and they got to meet my fellow students and teachers. I have never heard of an induction ceremony for students but, I think it is a terrific idea, welcoming beginners into a healing profession.

I sure like this softer and warmer side of science.